If You’re Going To Write a Memoir, You’d Better Narrate It Too.
September 3rd, 2010 | admin
People like listening to the radio in the car because it mimics companionship, staving off the “Up in the Air”-type of existential loneliness that’s symptomatic of gliding silently over generic, unfamiliar landscapes. Enter the audiobook: the medium for drivers who have exhausted their radio’s programming lineup and now crave more long-term audio companionship. Enter the memoir audiobook, which mimics the experience of being the mute, captive audience-half of a long-term relationship with Chatty Cathy.
Comedian and television show host Chelsea Handler has written three essay-based memoirs: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (2005); Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea (2009); and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang (2010).
Click’em!
February 13th, 2010 | admin
I feel sick.
When I turn on my computer in the morning the first thing I see are the bright, pretty pictures. I don’t care who these people are or why they’re there in the first place; when I see ‘em I just go clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick! I don’t think, except to go: Pretty, not pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, not pretty, pretty, omg SO pretty, pretty, uhhh-gly, pretty, not pretty! I love going fast and furious. Click/Yes! Click/NO! Blink, blink, blink! Whooo, pretty!
Pupils dilated, blood pounding in my temples, I could go on forever, jabbing and stabbing, making the screen alight with colorful motion. But the show always ends abruptly, a dull thud at the bottom of the hill. As I lurch into work, I’m still dazed, a little nauseated. Bright sparks flicker under my eyelids.
Though I don’t get a jazzy sexual buzz from whooshing through lineups of dressed-up celebrities, I know I’m no different from any bulging-eyed online porn addict. I know why one set of perfect boobs is never enough. I need the mass of them because the clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick is the real high. Interactive is just hyperactive.
In Which Sheer Glamorous Rubs the Sleep From Its World-Weary Eyes.
January 20th, 2010 | admin
To Whom It May Concern:
Sheer Glamorous is a website that used to have really grand ambitions. Like, it was going to be this big-ass, high-concept web magazine with 20 editors and lots of moving pictures and I was going to build my New Media empire on it.
This is what the homepage looked like in the planning stages last summer:
Big dreams!
(Smile wistfully, wipe tear welling up at corner of eye.)
Alas. What we have here, three months of Sheer Inertia later, is your basic low-fi, blah-blah-blog-format site, complete with a photo header so amateur, so graphically unsophisticated and so (possibly) copyright-infringing, the old Sheer Glamorous would have wiped its nose on it.